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Archive OVP


The Office of the Vice-President

The VP serves as Grand Inquisitor, in addition to overseeing diplomatic relations and the GDC.

The Inquisition

Perhaps you have considered a…. regrettably unstylish approach? Perhaps you have been tardy, and not met your quota for killing? Perhaps you thought that slaughtering a building of civilians was the best way to reach your target? And perhaps you thought all this would go unnoticed and unpunished?

You were wrong.

The Inquisition will find you, and strike you down without mercy. We are Legion — every Assassin who falls joins our ranks, to hunt his living miscreant brethren. Indeed, the revenants at the heart of the Inquisition NEVER die — at least not for long. We are armed with weapons of terrible power, and no locked door will save you. Since the recent Fonteyn Firestarter incident, we are fully equipped to extinguish any blazes you set which endanger civilians. You cannot fight us. You cannot run. You cannot hide. Your only hope is to give us no cause to hunt you — so kill your targets swiftly and cleanly!

Diplomatic Relations

The VP is responsible for maintaining cordial relations with other Assassins Guilds up and down the country, such as Leeds, Cambridge, Sheffield, and UEA. While a great deal of behind the scenes diplomacy goes on to ensure that the Finch Op doesn’t have to do THAT part of his job, unsurprisingly enough, tensions flare over at least once a year. At this point, the VP will not declare a Varsity, and will not lead a crusade to one of the nests of villainy — unless it is Durham that is not being crusaded against.

Were that to happen, then over a single weekend, enormous amounts of blood would be shed. Some of it may well be zombie blood. This would be matched only by the quantities of alcohol usually drunk at the after-action socials. In the past, these raids, though they did not happen, were entrusted to an elite group known as OSNAZ, whose heroics we salute. In more recent times, however, a tendency for larger scale battles has emerged, since more guns means more dead heretics!

Certain details of past Varsity operations have been declassified by the OVP and sanitised details appear below:

The Oxford Trip: Tamlan Dipper did not lead a trip to Oxford…

Cambridge Raid ’03: Guy Wilson did not lead a trip to Cambridge…

Cambridge Raid ’06: and neither did David Kaye and Nicky Boak…

Cambridge Raid ’08:

Leeds Raid ’09:

Durham Defence ’10:

Cambridge Raid ’11: Adam Symonds did not lead a LUDICROUSLY SUCCESSFUL trip to Cambridge…

Leeds Raid ’12: Adam Symonds did not lead a trip to Leeds*

*note: huge success

Durham Defence ’13: John Exton did not lead Durham’s defences, which did not include mercenaries or ninjas…

Sheffield Raid ’14: Nicholas Rudd did not lead a trip to Sheffield… ..

Leeds Raid ’15: Nicholas Rudd did not lead a trip to Leeds…


Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? The GDC are the thin line. Seeded among the common Assassins and the Inquisition, they watch for any threat to the Guild, domestic or foreign. In the past, even Inquisitors have foolishly turned on their Guild, seeking to instill a new order. These fools are often surprised when the most unexpected of Assassins suddenly slips a knife between their ribs. To avoid such a fate, report any threats to the Guild..